Gifts

A few weeks ago I showed up to church choir practice and I happened to be the only soprano there for awhile. We practiced the song that we would be performing that day and as we sang it, I realized that I was the only one there to sing the descant. Although I sing soprano, I would not consider myself a 1st soprano, and this descant was in a higher range than I am comfortable singing. Still, when we got to that particular part, I took a big breath and did the best I could do. I definitely felt on the spot, singing notes higher than I like to sing for all of the choir to hear. Although I didn't feel confident with my sound, I still hoped that it would be good enough.

After we sang through the song a couple of times, our director stated, "this descant is not working." And then she looked at me and realized I was the only one singing it and added, "I'm sorry."

Luckily, one of our really great sopranos showed up just in the nick of time and saved the day with the descant. Still, I couldn't help but feel crushed. I was not offended. The choir director did not hurt my feelings. But I was embarrassed. And more than embarrassed, I was just very sad. Sad that I didn't have the kind of voice that could carry that descant. Sad that what I had to give was just not enough.

I am not usually emotional, but later when one of my good friends innocently asked me how I was doing, I couldn't hold back the tears.

You see, I love to sing. Music makes me happy. If I had a different life than I do, and if I could choose to be really really good at something, I would choose to be able to sing so beautifully that my voice could make others' hearts soar.

I've been thinking about this experience over the last few weeks. I don't think I'll ever stop wishing that my singing were more than what it is. I've been more aware of my shortcomings, more wistful over what I am not. On top of all of this, I've had a cold for a lot of the Christmas season. So although I've been singing Christmas songs wholeheartedly, I've not been in full voice.

Last week was our choir's Christmas program. I felt frustrated that my voice was scratchy and a little hoarse, but as we sang of the joy of Christ's birth, I forgot about how my voice sounded and I became lost in the joy and the beauty and the message of the music. As the program came to a close, it occurred to me that I have a gift to be grateful for: the gift of feeling music. When I sing or play, my own heart soars. I feel the Spirit. And it is enough.

It's almost Christmas

Merry Christmas! I have so much to be grateful for - most especially, the three little people in my life. Despite their arguing, mess-making, complaining, crying-in-the-middle-of-the-night, begging, and not eating their food, I adore them. Matt does too. Here is a peek into my week: Yesterday, I noticed that the house was particularly quiet, which usually means that someone is emptying laundry detergent, scoop by scoop on the floor or smearing toothpaste in his or her hair. This time, I crept down the hall and peeked into Ryan’s room. And there he was, sitting quietly on the rocking chair, turning the pages of a storybook. He looked up at me, smiled, and satisfied with himself, went back to his “reading.” A few nights ago, one hour after I’d put Emmy to bed, she came meandering into my room. She’s six years old, and she still hasn’t accepted that she must go to bed every night. When I mention it is bedtime, it is as if I am announcing that I ate all of her Halloween candy (if you haven’t already, check out Jimmy Kimmel’s Halloween prank on youtube). So usually when Emmy comes out of her room, my mean mommy voice instructs her to get back to bed. Immediately. But on this night, I greeted her with a smile and told her to come snuggle up with me for a minute. Her eyes lit up and she pretty much leapt into my lap and situated herself in the crook of my arm, just as cozy as can be. It was deliciously sweet to enjoy her for a few stolen minutes–to have her all to myself–sweet enough to make up for all of the resisting and complaining she did when I finally told her she needed to hop to bed. On Thursday, I hosted a small party for the children and mothers in Sophie’s preschool playgroup. As a part of the program, the children presented their mothers with Christmas gifts we had created on the previous day. The gift was simple: a decorated card and a coupon that entitles the receiver to an act of service of his or her choice. When it was time for them to give us the presents, I didn’t think much of it. After all, I knew what it was. I had helped Sophie make it. I’d even wrapped it for her. But when she handed me my present, she looked as if she were handing me the world. And really, she was. What could be more precious than her giant smile and shining eyes? And when I opened it and thanked her, she threw her arms around my neck and held on tight. How could I want anything more than that? Tomorrow is Christmas morning. I am so excited to share it with these three sweet little things. And of course, to enjoy the day with Matt - who really is about the sweetest husband a girl could ask for. Merry Christmas. P.S. I'm sorry this all blends together with no paragraphs! I copied and pasted from Word and this is what happened. And I want to go to bed.

Happy Halloween: The Lion, The Ghost, and the Butterfly

On A Wednesday Morning

On this Wednesday morning, I confess that there is a very dirty dish that is sitting on my counter. This dish has been there since Sunday's dinner. Matt does the dishes every night and leaves that one dish. I do the dishes in the middle of the day and continue to leave it for him. Maybe it will magically clean itself.

Sophie cried all the way to drive Emmy to school because she wanted her blanket in the car.

I had to walk to 4 different rooms in my house to escape the noise while I completed a phone call with the dentist.

Ryan is pulling all of the cards out of my wallet.

I made a birthday cake with a chocolate chip border and every time I walk past it I eat one or two of them off of the cake.

But,

my bed is made (though children are jumping on it, so I will probably have to remake it)

it is going to be over 80 degrees, so we may go swimming, and

we're heading to the park to meet friends this morning.

And we're having smoothies for lunch.

All in all, it will be a good day.

P.S. These pictures are not from today. I just like them.

I Love My Grandpa Dickson

My grandma is very musical.  She loves to sing and sings all the time.  She sings solos, she composes songs.  I have enjoyed hearing her sing many times throughout my life.  My grandpa, on the other hand, is not so musically inclined, although he certainly appreciates music and admires my grandma’s talent.  One Sunday, somewhere in my teenage years, I sat by my grandpa at church and we sang the hymn, “Scatter Sunshine.”  I can still remember his voice, already feeble with age and a little off-key.  But as I heard him sing, I was deeply touched.  He sang with enthusiasm, with spirit.  He sang out, and he meant what he sang.

This past July, my Grandpa Dickson died. He was almost 92. Even though he lived a wonderful and long life, it was still sad to say goodbye. I had the chance to sit with him for a little while about a week before he died. He could not see or speak, but I was told he could hear me. I am glad I had the chance to tell him I love him and to give him a hug and a kiss. 

Grandpa Dickson always called me "Katie B from over the sea."  He was full of jokes and compliments.  He liked to draw watches around my wrist.    One day, when I was very young, I showed him a new wallet.  He inspected it and then put in a crisp dollar bill.  This might have been the first dollar bill I'd ever had.  I felt very rich.  

I still feel rich when I think of the legacy he has left for me.  He loved the Lord.  He always wanted to do the right thing.  He was kind.  He was a hard worker and a loving father and grandfather.  I will miss him.

To My Friends

The other day I was driving in my car, in the dark, listening to music and I remembered a good friend of mine.  We grew up together and he was always introducing me to new music.  He is the kind of friend you can listen to music with and you don't feel like you have to make conversation. Thinking of him got me thinking about so many other dear friends that I've had at different points in my life and I missed them.  

This summer, one of those friends died unexpectedly.  And so I have been thinking of those growing up years more often.  I've taken a lot of time to remember her and as I've done that, I've remembered others.  I am so grateful for the truly wonderful friendships that I have always been blessed with -- from childhood until now. 

And so my friends, this is what I have determined.  Each of you has become a part of me.

I cherish the moments we've spent together.  I love you. 

This is me in college with a few of the sweet friends I grew up with in Cincinnati.  There are a few girls that should also be in this picture, but I couldn't find one with all of us!

In the Middle

 

of a life that's as complicated as everyone else's,
struggling for balance, juggling time.
The mantle clock that was my grandfather's
has stopped at 9:20; we haven't had time
to get it repaired. The brass pendulum is still,
the chimes don't ring. One day you look out the window,
green summer, the next, and the leaves have already fallen,
and a grey sky lowers the horizon. Our children almost grown,
our parents gone, it happened so fast. Each day, we must learn
again how to love, between morning's quick coffee
and evening's slow return. Steam from a pot of soup rises,
mixing with the yeasty smell of baking bread. Our bodies
twine, and the big black dog pushes his great head between;
his tail is a metronome, 3/4 time. We'll never get there,
Time is always ahead of us, running down the beach, urging
us on faster, faster, but sometimes we take off our watches,
sometimes we lie in the hammock, caught between the mesh
of rope and the net of stars, suspended, tangled up
in love, running out of time.

 

~ Barbara Crooker 

 

 

Sophie's First Day of Joy School

Raspberry Cupcakes

I made these cupcakes for Becca's baby shower and they were simply delicious.  This was my first time making a cupcake with filling inside - so that was a learning experience - but I was thrilled with the end result and can't wait to eat them again!!

The Cake Recipe 

The Raspberry Buttercream:
1 cup butter, room temperature
1/2 cup raspberry filling
6 cups powdered sugar
2 oz. cream chees

The Raspberry Filling: (estimated - I can't quite remember the proportions!)

About 3 cups of raspberries

About 1/2 cup sugar

1-2 TBS of cornstarch

Puree the raspberries, strain the seeds, whisk everything together in a saucepan until it is boiling and thickened.  Take off the heat and cool down. 

My First Grader

Chocolate Baby

I happened upon this happy guy and had to snap a picture before cleaning him off.  The best part of the whole adventure was when he realized that the powder tastes good!

Summer Recipes

In Summer 2009, I posted a list of my favorite summer recipes over the years.  Last Summer, I'd just had Ryan, so I forgot to post the winning recipe.  So here we have 2010 and 2011 for your own enjoyment:

Best of Summer 2010

Spicy Honey Chicken Salad - I have made this recipe from Our Best Bites several times, and each time I cannot get enough! This is definitely my favorite salad, ever.  Spicy honey chicken paired with mango, avocado, and a citrus vinaigrette.  Mmm.

We also loved eating our own hand-packed hamburgers (thanks for the reminder, Suzi!).  These are super easy and delicious.  Just get ground beef, mix in some garlic,  Worchestershire, soy sauce, pepper, and green onions and you get a nice juicy burger. 

Another favorite was orange sorbet made with fresh squeezed oranges.  We loved eating with with a small scoop of creamy vanilla.  The two together are like the best and tastiest version of an orange dream pop you've ever had. 

Best of Summer 2011

This summer I have made lots of fruit crisps.  They've all been delicious - but my favorite comes from Ina Garten (of course!).  I've made her Peach and Raspberry Crisp twice this summer and both times have not been able to stop myself from scraping the sides of the dish.  The second time I added less peaches and quadrupled the raspberries - I liked it with more berries better.  And here you go:


Peach and Raspberry Crisp

Ingredients

• 4 to 5 pounds firm, ripe peaches (10 to 12 large peaches)
• 1 orange, zested
• 1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
• 1 cup light brown sugar, packed
• 1 1/2 cups plus 2 to 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1/2 pint raspberries
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup quick-cooking oatmeal
• 1/2 pound cold unsalted butter, diced

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter the inside of a 10 by 15 by 2 1/2-inch oval baking dish.

Immerse the peaches in boiling water for 30 seconds, then place them in cold water. Peel the peaches and slice them into thick wedges and place them into a large bowl. Add the orange zest, 1/4 cup granulated sugar, 1/2 cup brown sugar, and 2 tablespoons of flour. Toss well. Gently mix in the raspberries. Allow the mixture to sit for 5 minutes. If there is a lot of liquid, add 1 more tablespoon of flour. Pour the peaches into the baking dish and gently smooth the top.

Combine 1 1/2 cups flour, 1 cup granulated sugar, 1/2 cup brown sugar, salt, oatmeal, and the cold, diced butter in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Mix on low speed until the butter is pea-sized and the mixture is crumbly. Sprinkle evenly on top of the peaches and raspberries. Bake for 1 hour, until the top is browned and crisp and the juices are bubbly. Serve immediately, or store in the refrigerator and reheat in a preheated 350 degree F oven for 20 to 30 minutes, until warm.

Capitola

Capitola is one of my favorite beaches in Northern California and we had a wonderful time there today!   Ryan was so completely covered in sand that I think I'll be finding it for a week, Emmy actually played in the water for a while before a wave surprised her, and Sophie was happy to prance about letting the water kiss her toes.  It makes my heart happy to see children so completely enthralled with sand and water. I love how hard they play and I love how hungry they are when it is all over.

Once everyone was showered off, we walked over to Pizza My Heart for a slice of pizza and then ice cream.  The girls ordered bright blue Bubble Gum ice cream because they'd always wondered what it would taste like.  I had a dreamy dark chocolate peanut butter -- mmmm.  Anyway, after eating their ice cream and driving the long windy road back home, I think the girls were a little carsick, because as we pulled in, they told me they didn't really like their ice cream.  Then when Emmy said her prayers, she prayed that the taste of the bubble gum ice cream would go away. Ha!  Someday they'll learn to go with chocolate.

Chocolate never disappoints.

 

Happy Birthday, Emmy!

This weekend we celebrated Emmy's Sixth Birthday.  For a five-almost-six year old, a birthday is a BIG deal, and her upcoming party was the topic of conversation for a long time.  We had her party at the gym where she takes gymnastics and the theme was rainbows.  This has been a big year for her!  In the last six months or so, she has learned to snap her fingers, turn cartwheels, almost do the splits, ride a two-wheeler, hula-hoop, do the monkey bars, jump rope, read and write!  She also saved 100 dollars and earned her own American Girl Doll!  (If you look closely in the pics, you'll see she is holding her!)

We're hoping that this coming year she'll learn to stop throwing tantrums when she doesn't get her way :)

Here are a few fun pictures from the day:

Sophie is SO excited to give Emmy her gift: a gumball machine charm for her charm necklace

Ashley painted this bunny for Emmy - she loved it!

Happy Donuts for breakfast

About to leave for the party - so excited!

That evening we had a double birthday for Emmy and Grandma Martin whose birthday is August 1

No post is complete without an appearance from this little guy

 

Summer days

Emmy and Kali celebrated the start of summer with a lemonade stand and then a water fight

Celebrating Father's Day with the Jacksons

Love this signature close-lipped smile of Ryan's

Enjoying the beach even though it was freezing!

Ryan loving his first taste of blackberries at Webb Ranch

Matt and I in Monterey - we got to get away for the weekend thanks to Ashley!

We Miss Aunt Ashley

This summer, we had the ultimate good fortune of having my sister, Ashley come to stay with us for three whole weeks!  The only bad thing about her stay is that we got used to having her around and nothing has been the same since.

I'm sure all of my fellow mom friends out there can imagine how sweet life would be if there was just an extra adult with you all day long, ready and waiting to hold your crying baby, wipe a bottom, pull something out of the oven, chop up some veggies, or dress up as a funky art teacher and help your kids do art projects.  This was my awesome life for three weeks.  And now it is over.  And our meals aren't as tasty or timely.  My kids cry more.  My house is messier.  And we haven't been doing enough art projects.

So thank you, Ashley!  We love you and we miss you!

Ashley's first day here - she made the girls these adorable PJs

Ryan loves Ashley too

This is one thing that won't be happening with her gone - my French braids aren't near as great

Laughing so hard because Ryan became so fixated on lifting this huge rock

Blackberry picking

At Stephen's wedding (this pic is for you, Janet!)