It all began a few years ago. My friend, C, asked me if I want to join her and her friend in a challenge to not consume chocolate for the 40 days before Easter. I laughed at her. I think I said something like this: "Why would I do something like that? I'm not even addicted to chocolate. To deny myself of chocolate would be pointless. I don't have a problem, so why remove an occasional pleasure from my life?"
Fast forward through two kids and many evenings of rewarding myself with TV shows and chocolate treats and you have a person who is developing a hard and fast addiction to chocolate. So this year, when C asked me if I'd join her in her goal, I hesitatingly agreed. After all, I've never been one to deny myself of any food. "Everything in moderation" has been my creed. But, I thought it might be interesting to experiment and I agreed with two conditions: that we would still attend and indulge in the "chocolate salon" in San Francisco and that I be allowed chocolate on my birthday - both events that would be occurring before Easter. She agreed and we began.
Giving up chocolate was more difficult than I thought it would be. I never realized how many opportunities there are to enjoy it! I turned down chocolate cake at two different birthday parties. I ate around the chocolate chips in a chocolate chip cookie. I grabbed a handful of M&Ms and right before popping them in my mouth, remembered my goal and put them back in the bowl. I accidentally ate a free piece of See's chocolate - yum. I accidentally tasted a sample-size portion of a chocolate milkshake at a food storage party. And I yearned and ached for chocolate. No other dessert seemed quite as satisfying.
So there I was, struggling, craving, and trying not to think about chocolate, all with the mindset that I couldn't fail C. I kept imagining her disappointment if I were to fail her. My swearing-off-chocolate was a symbol of our friendship in a way. Each time I'd leave an event chocolate-free I'd feel proud of my self-denial. I even felt a little bit skinnier at the thought of the calories I hadn't consumed. (Not to worry though, what I didn't eat in chocolate, I made up for in freshly-ground peanut butter and vanilla ice cream!). I felt in control of my appetites, and it was a good feeling. But, not as good as the way chocolate melts on the tongue and the taste stays with you, even after you've swallowed.
Anyway, to make a long story short, one evening I was invited to C's house for a birthday party for her husband. I was really excited because I knew I'd be able to enjoy the dessert since she was sure to make one that was chocolate-free. Sure enough, she presented a beautiful fruit tart. I was ecstatic - until I learned that there was a chocolate layer. "C," I exclaimed, "What are we going to do? There is chocolate in this fruit tart!" She laughed, "Katie! Are you kidding? I gave up long ago!" I couldn't believe it! All of this time I'd been saying "no" to prove my worth to her! And she had been eating chocolate for at least a week or two. So at this point, I had a choice: do I continue to not eat chocolate until Easter's arrival to prove to myself that I could do it? Or do I cave?
For those of you who know me, it will be no surprise that I caved. Happily. The chocolate layer on that fruit tart was particularly delicious that night and I've been eating chocolate ever since.
And, I might add, I love my friend C more than ever.
